Ramblings of a Jackhole

Lawsuits filed by the overweight against those fast-food restaurants have peaked the interest in a lot of lawyers.

The obese are much easier to chase than ambulances, and some obese need all the money they can get.

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked; “Sir, what will you have?”

The man thought a moment then replied; “A martini please”. The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, “sir, what is your IQ?” The man answered “oh, about 164.”

The robot then proceeded to discuss the ‘theory of relativity’ ‘inter-stellar space travel’ ‘the latest medical break throughs’ etc…….. The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have. “A Martini please.”

Again it was superb. The robot again asked “what is your IQ sir?” This tim the man answered , “Oh about 100″. So the robot started discussing NFL football, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Cubbies to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool and again a martini, and the question, “What is your IQ?” This time the man drawled out ” Uh….. bout 50″..?? The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked;

” A-r-e  Y-o-u  p-e-o-p-l-e  g-o-i-n-g  t-o  n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e  H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?”

Domain names can be get ways to advertise. However, one cannot get a domain name with a space. People have tried, with minimal success to use hypens or Underscores for their domain name but that is confusing for many in their target market. So, simply combine the two or more words of your company’s name or tagline that you’re ready to roll right? Not always. Unfortunately the combined words may be able to be split backup in other ways.

See below.

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs.

1. A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name. seroiusly. is www.whorepresents.com.

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com. These experts are no fools and have changed to www.experts-exchange.com. However a record of the old site is at The Wayback Machine.
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net.

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Battery company, www.powergenitalia.com. Wisely, they have changed their domain name to www.batterychargerpowergen.it, but the wayback machine maintains a record of the original site.

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com.

7. If you’re looking for computer software to find your Internet Protocol address, there’s always www.ipanywhere.com.

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com. However I view this one as just another means for a church to reach a few more sinners that might be surfing the web.

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky, blinking, and annoying website: www.speedofart.com. Did I mention how annoying this website is for a bunch of supposed “artists”?

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com. Well it is in Nevada after all so the dual meaning may be intentional!

Actual writings from hospital charts

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Note: Patient recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.
4. Patient experiences chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
5. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
6. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears depressed.
7. This patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
8. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-yr. old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
9. Discharge status: alive but without permission.
10. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
11. She is numb from her toes down.
12. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.
13. The skin was moist and dry.
14. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
15. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
16. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
17. She stated that she had been constipated most of her life, until she got a divorce.
18. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
19. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
20. Patient has two teen-age children, but no other abnormalities.
21. The patient was circus-sized.

There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened
the peephole and asked, “Who’s there?”

“Parcel post, sir. I have a package that needs a signature.”

“Where’s the package?” I asked suspiciously.

The deliveryman held it up.

“Could I see some ID?” I said, still not convinced.

“Buddy,” he replied wearily, “if I wanted to break into your house, I’d probably just use these” and pulled out the keys I had left in the door.