Ramblings of a Jackhole

Below is an actual ruling by Federal District Judge Gregory A. Presnell of Orlando, Florida. Defense attorney D. Lee Craig, of Butler Pappas Weihmuller Katz Craig, wanted thedeposition to be in his office, but plaintiffs’ attorney David J. Pettinato of Merlin Law Group wanted it at the court reporter’s office down the street. Instead of dealing directly with two bickering attorneys on where to hold a deposition, the Judge untangled this “Gordian knot” by requiring them to “engage in one (1) game of ‘rock, paper, scissors’” to determine who got to choose where to hold the deposition. And in case the parties couldn’t decide on a neutral ground to hold this game, the judge ordered that “If counsel cannot agree on a neutral site, they shall meet on the front steps of the Sam M. Gibbons U.S. Courthouse, 801 North Florida Ave., Tampa, Florida 33602.”

Always planning this judge.

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT MIDDLE DISTRICT OF FLORIDA ORLANDO DIVISION

AVISTA MANAGEMENT, INC., d/b/a Avista Plex, Inc.,

Plaintiff,

-vs-

WAUSAU UNDERWRITERS INSURANCE COMPANY,

Defendant.

______________________________________

ORDER

This matter comes before the Court on Plaintiff’s Motion to designate location of a Rule 30(b)(6) deposition (Doc. 105). Upon consideration of the Motion, the latest in a series of Gordian knots that the parties have been unable to untangle without enlisting the assistance of the federal courts, it is

ORDERED that said Motion is DENIED. Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit: at 4:00 P.M. on Friday, June 30, 2006, counsel shall convene at a neutral site agreeable to both parties. If counsel cannot agree on a neutral site, they shall meet on the front steps of the Sam M. Gibbons U.S. Courthouse, 801 North Florida Ave., Tampa, Florida 33602. Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one (1) game of “rock, paper, scissors.” The winner of this engagement shall be entitled to select the location for the 30(b)(6) deposition to be held somewhere in Hillsborough County during the period July 11-12, 2006. If either party disputes the outcome of this engagement, an appeal may be filed and a hearing will be held at 8:30 A.M. on Friday, July 7, 2006 before the undersigned in Courtroom 3, George C. Young United States Courthouse and Federal Building, 80 North Hughey Avenue, Orlando, Florida 32801.

DONE and ORDERED in Chambers, Orlando, Florida on June 6, 2006.

Copies furnished to: Counsel of Record

Here’s not a good way to start your legal career in a new town.

**Original Message**

From: Dianna Abdala
Sent: Friday, February 03, 2006 9:23 PM
To: William Korman
Subject: Thank you

Dear Attorney Korman,

At this time, I am writing to inform you that I will not be accepting your offer.

After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the pay you are offering would neither fulfill me nor support the lifestyle I am living in light of the work I would be doing for you. I have decided instead to work for myself, and reap 100% of the benefits that I sew [sic].

Thank you for the interviews.

Dianna L. Abdala, Esq.

** Original Message **

From: William A. Korman
To: “Dianna Abdala”
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 12:15 PM
Subject: RE: Thank you

Dianna -

Given that you had two interviews, were offered and accepted the job (indeed, you had a definite start date), I am surprised that you chose an e-mail and a 9:30 PM voicemail message to convey this information to me. It smacks of immaturity and is quite unprofessional. Indeed, I did rely upon your acceptance by ordering stationery and business cards with your name, reformatting a computer and setting up both internal and external e-mails for you here at the office. While I do not quarrel with your reasoning, I am extremely disappointed in the way this played out. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

- Will Korman

** Original Message **

From: Dianna Abdala
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:01 PM
To: William A. Korman
Subject: Re: Thank you

A real lawyer would have put the contract into writing and not exercised any such reliance until he did so.

Again, thank you.

** Original Message **

From: William A. Korman
To: “Dianna Abdala”
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:18 PM
Subject: RE: Thank you

Thank you for the refresher course on contracts. This is not a bar exam question. You need to realize that this is a very small legal community, especially the criminal defense bar. Do you really want to start pissing off more experienced lawyers at this early stage of your career?

** Original Message **

From: Dianna Abdala
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:29 PM
To: William A. Korman
Subject: Re: Thank you

bla bla bla

While Ms. Abdala has every right to turn to a position she finds pays too little, 1.) you don’t want to burn bridges and 2.) If you can’t get along with another defense attorney, just WAIT until you have to deal with a prosecutor!

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think that you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think that you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that exs are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think that you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think that people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

The Jackhole is still looking for an icon, so if you have a good one, please send it my way.

Until then, I’ve learned that in Idaho a rabid jackalope may bite an attorney. Of course, that’s probably HOW the jackalope became rabid.

Federal Judges Can Be Funny Too!

Federal Magistrate Steven Crocker not only rules that Microsoft should not be sanctioned, but lambastes opposing counsel for bringing the motion in one of the funniest rulings I have ever read in my years of practice.

Ironically, most of the disparaged opposing counsel is from Niro, Scavone, Haller & Niro, the very same firm Rockwell Automation, Inc. sued last December for allegedly filing “baseless, sham” patent infringement suits. With a record like that, one might begin to wonder if someone up there doesn’t like some lawyers.

I guess it’s the 90% that give the other 10% of us bad names.