Archive for the 'Political' Category

Left and Right Difference

Thursday, March 2nd, 2006

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.” The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.” The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as “How to Improve Your Business” and “Becoming More Successful.”

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.” The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between left and right…

Bumpersticker of the Year

Friday, February 24th, 2006

I’d rather go hunting with Dick Chaney
than get a ride from Ted Kennedy.

Outrage Over Flagraising

Friday, November 4th, 2005

Press Outraged Over Staged Flagraising
March 3rd, 1945

IWO JIMA (Routers) Controversy has erupted among the press corps in the last
few days as news has spread that the now-famous picture of the “victorious”
flag raising over Iwo Jima a couple weeks ago was staged. Many believe that, as
the huge number of casualties mounted in the ill-fated and pointless invasion
of this tiny island, the Roosevelt administration, desperate for a bit of pro-
war propaganda, arranged to have the photo taken for dissemination to the
world’s news services.

It has been revealed that the picture was actually of a “recreation” of an
earlier flag raising of a much smaller flag, though even that event has now
been cast into doubt by the apparent attempt to mislead the press.

There is abundant evidence that the picture was not only unspontaneous, but
orchestrated on orders from higher ups.

“None of the men in the picture actually carried the flag to the top,” one
reporter noted. “It was brought up by a lieutenant in charge, probably at White
House orders.” In addition, none of the men in the picture had even been
injured in the fighting to that point.

The latest propaganda ploy from the administration comes in the midst of doubts
about the war strategy, with many thinking this latest bloody adventure
particularly misguided. Several thousand Marines have died already in the
invasion, and many more have been injured, many losing limbs. Moreover, despite
the “victory” implied by the “flag raising,” the brave Japanese continue to
resist in caves dug deep into the volcanic rock of the doughty little island,
with continuing “Allied” casualties. One Republican staffer on the Hill
declared that it was Roosevelt’s attempt to prematurely declare “major combat
operations over,” when it was clear that the Japanese were going to continue to
fight on to the last man.

Beyond the distaste at what now seems an obvious public-relations ploy, some
military strategists argue that the Iwo Jima invasion wasn’t worth the cost in
resources and blood, or even necessary at all, since the only reason the island
is desired is as an auxiliary air base for emergency landings of “Allied”
bombers attacking the Japanese homeland.

Some of the anti-war groups are particularly outraged. “We’ve killed tens of
thousands of Japanese soldiers, and several thousand of our own, just so we can
save the lives of a few American air crews while they kill hundreds of
thousands of helpless Japanese civilians,” read a press release from one of the
more prominent groups. It continued, “Now we find the Roosevelt administration
attempting to cover up its criminal actions by staging events meant to hide the
fact that we’re losing this cruel war, with massive casualties on all sides.”

The White House, of course, attempts to defend its actions. A spokesman points
out that no claims have been made that fighting was over, and that the photo
was a depiction of a real event that had occurred shortly before, but not been
captured by the cameras. He also noted that Mount Suribachi was in fact taken
that day, and had not been relinquished since.

This does not satisfy critics in the press or the anti-war movement, however.

“It’s important to demonstrate the perfidy and mendacity of this administration
now,” said one leading spokesman, “before it becomes fixed in the mind of the
public as an American ‘victory,’ or something to be admired and emulated in the
future. If we don’t set the record straight now, who knows how history will
record it? For all we know, they’ll decide to put up a bronze statue in
Arlington to commemorate it, or something.”

A Little Perspective

Tuesday, June 28th, 2005

Pythagorean theorem: 24 words

The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words

Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words

The 10 Commandments: 179 words

The Gettysburg Address: 286 words

The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words

The Constitution of the United States: 4,428 words

U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words

Media and the Marine

Wednesday, December 15th, 2004

Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, along with a U.S. Marine assigned to protect them, were hiking through the Iraqi desert one day when they were captured by terrorists. They were tied up, led to a village, and brought before the Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the al Qaeda leader in Iraq.

Zarqawi said, “I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish; so, before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests?”

Dan Rather said, “Well, I’m a Texan; so I’d like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili.” Zarqawi nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, “Now I can die content.”

Peter Jennings said, “I am Canadian, so I’d like to hear the song ‘O Canada’ one last time.” Zarqawi nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.

Zarqawi turned and said, “And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?”

“Kick me in the rear,” said the Marine.

“What?” asked Zarqawi. “Will you mock us in your last hour?”

“No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the rear,” insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the rear.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled out a 9mm pistol hidden in his cammies, and shot Zarqawi dead.

In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the remaining terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, they were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Rather and Jennings, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the rear?”

“What,” replied the Marine, “and have you jackasses call me the aggressor?”