The teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the class was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on their knees in the corner of the room. She demanded of them what they were doing, and one of them hollered back, “We are shooting craps.”
She sighed, “That’s all right. I was afraid you were praying.”
The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.
“Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.”
“Good. What comes after three”?
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six”?
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten”?
“A jack,” says the little boy.
Division of the human family into two distinct groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented by Man to get to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what became known as the “Conservative Movement”.
Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the “Liberal Movement.” Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as “girlie men.”
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide up the meat and the beer that the conservatives were providing.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting, revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than liberal men. Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals. Liberals also invented the Designated Hitter Rule because it wasn’t “fair” to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer & eat red meat and potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside of government. Conservatives who own companies employ other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little, or nothing. They like to “govern” the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
. . . this ends today’s History lesson . . .
Last week I purchased a meal at Burger King for $4.58. The counter girl took my five dollar bill and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help.
While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.
Why do I tell you this?
Please read more about the “history of teaching math”:
Teaching Math In 1950
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A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1960
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A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1980
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A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math In 1990
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By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers)
Teaching Math In 2005
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El hachero vende un camion c! arga por $100.
La cuesta de production es………….
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn
mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
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